Jealousy

Jealousy ... yes the word we all know very very well. The emotion that destroys most if not all of the happiness in our relationships.  The vibration that always brings down your very being and keeps you starting over and then we wonder why we cant get anywhere.. We wonder why we are the victims and why everyone is doing things to hurt us.

When we break down the jealousy we feel .. where does it come from ? Where do we store it and what sort of reactions we give off when we allow it to consume us? We get jealous for all kinds of things and we feel justified within ourselves for feeling this way. The core of this emotion is the need to "control". Control people, control their minds so that YOU are the most important thing and only YOU should be adored, respected, loved etc.

When we try to control other peoples minds all we do is push them farther away from us. The said thing you want most in your life, the person you never want to lose ends up further away from you because of these vibrations you give off that just destroys everything you have built. One of my friends said to me once ... "Jealousy blinds the heart" and for me this is true. We no longer see the beauty in ALL. When we cant see the beauty in everyone and all that IS then ugliness appears in all things.

Are we so insecure within ourselves that we will allow jealousy to consume us? Tarnishing everything we touch? everything we claim to hold dear to us? We have all have this emotion within us and sometimes it peaks its ugly head to bring our vibrations down to a level where we really dont want to be. We look at everyone and justify to ourselves that we have the right to feel this, we have the right to be angry and maybe we do but when the reactions to control others are dearer to us than understanding the actions of why people do what they do that is when our problem begins.

We cannot control what others do and should not try to .. when we do this we only build our own cage .. we build the walls that protect our fearful self from loving the way we were created to love. There is a difference in speaking your truth when you are not respected by the people in your relationships and getting jealous for every little thing. Know the difference in the two and speak your truth when you need to. If you can sit with yourself and know that the latter is what you do then have the courage to get rid of this vibration and set yourself free from the chains that bind you to this. 

I also read today .. "Dont let comparison steal your joy"..  we sometimes compare ourselves to others that bring about the jealousy within and from then on we are unhappy with ourselves because we feel we are not good enough - we dont measure up.  When we shine that light from within .. is anything comparable?  When we transcend the boundaries put on us and allow ourselves to shed these vibrations that only stop us from BEing then what is left?? What is left is the beautiful creative being of light that we ALL are. 

Revenge

One of the quotes I came across recently says... "When seeking revenge ....... dig two graves". The passion that we feel inside sometimes to hurt others just as much or even more than they hurt us is like a burning desire that never gives up. Why is the need to satisfy our ego and prove that we are right more important than being at peace within ourselves?

I hear so many stories on a daily basis of what others are going to be do to hurt the people that hurt them and the thoughts of hate that they keep inside. We sometimes go out there with that passion to destroy .. it doesnt matter what it takes and we strive to bring down someone elses character just to make our own character "look" good.

What is most times overlooked is that people eventually get wise ... the truth always comes out as they would say. The need for revenge on others should not be a thought in this world of experience that we live in. Trying to hurt someone as much or more than they hurt us only fuels a never ending battle between both individuals.

There are times where we need to let go of the negativity of others and allow them to be in their own space and yes, what they may have done would hurt us,  but accept that hurt.. love that hurt and allow it to flow through taking from it the beauty it was here for. Harboring thoughts of hate and revenge for another just shows the need to be right ... not the need to be happy.

Sometimes the sweetest revenge is staying silent when they expect you to react. When someone can still make you angry to the point of where it consumes you then they still have control over you. When we can allow others to just "be" who they are and you can in turn allow yourself to bask in the beauty of your experiences then revenge would never consume you.

We have to strive and be responsible for the actions of ourselves and the vibrations we continue to carry. Not everyone is going to "love us" and not everyone you are going to allow in your space but harboring negative thoughts and using your energy to create and fuel that war will only prove to destroy you ... in light of the quote ... U are digging your own grave.

When others take the time to hurt you with words or try very hard to bring your character down .. transmute it and watch it transform into an experience that allowed you to grow instead ...

Vultures

We all have the days where we sit and maybe just cry a river of tears or you feel like the vultures at your back wont ever leave you to be.  All the memories stir inside and you come to the bitter sweet moments that is just endless.  The tears flow with a million questions.  ‘Why”…… seems to be the most popular of them.   Why do the daggers that others carry cut so deep that you feel you are in the wreckage of your own soul? 

Why do others single you out based on their own fears and perceptions and create havoc and illusions for others so that each step you take you feel like you are taking ten steps back.  What is their mission? Why do others speak ill about you even though they have no clue of who you are or what you are about?  Why are they in your life ? Why do they choose to create mischief?

Who are these vultures and what do the daggers mean?  The vultures are lights on our path … the daggers? … (smile) …. they are the lessons.  We trust others with everything we have inside sometimes but inside their intentions are not the same for us.  What do we do ?? How can we know?  We will always find the truth in things when we silence our mind.  That whisper you hear, that message you get when you just “listen”.  Its always there … that little voice.  The Angels walk with us always .. they are never far behind. 

When the vultures bring you to your knees – look up … what do you see?  Close your eyes and listen to the sky.  Find the strength in the sweet sound of the Divine …… he whispers “I am with you”.  Who can these vultures hurt?  Us?  Yes they can – but only when we allow them to.  These vultures are the catalyst that brings us to our core.  These vultures are the ones chosen to help us …. See it that way or don’t ….. it is what it is. 

They have their own lessons to learn ... we have ours.  In the breaking of hearts we sometimes learn the greatest lessons.  They have their own war within ...  they would have their own vultures they would meet on their path that will carry them to the realisation of their actions.  What we need to concentrate on is our light.  We have to be like the eagle that flies free and independent.  When we look at ourselves lets make sure we are not vultures looking for our prey day after day.

So when next you cry that river of tears and the daggers in your back seem to break you to the core remember that on our path we will find the ones that will stir us ..… it may not seem that way but when you look closer you will realise that in each of these adversities it helped you in a way far greater than what you expected.  Don’t spend your life questioning,  just believe in the limitless lessons we are here to learn.  In your silent wars the victory is there when you conquer your inner self.

Fear

Who does not know this emotion ??  The emotion that changes how you see life -- how you perceive others and more so how much it holds you back from just Being.  We all have it from time to time and subconsciously as well -- deeply the roots connect with us and before we know it our life has passed us by with nothing great to remember. 

There are others who feed fear into others - they are the weak ones when we really look at it.  They strive for control and they live their life feeding on the fear of others.  Most fear to lose - to lose something whether material gain or something of importance to them, others fear losing someone and they live their life trying to please others instead of themselves. 

Fear is that obstacle that stops you from accomplishing everything you ever dreamed of and more. That light that is within is not controlled by the darkness inside -- the light have the power to shine so bright that the darkness will never return. 

Feeding into fear stops you from being who you truly are.   If you have to lose someone or something then its divinity stepping in that will make room for something far better - we just have to trust that.  Losing friends, relationships is very difficult and it comes with a lifetime of pain sometimes but if we grasp the lessons, grow from it and let go in love then our fears would not follow us in the next step in life and love. 

Never allow anyone to make you feel less of yourself. Sit quietly at times and listen to the little voice inside that always steer you on the right path.  There is no need to fear when we have the angels, the guides and all the beings around us sent to us by that Divine Love from above.  When you feel those wings around you and you hear that voice inside saying "I am with you"  what is there to fear ??

Hold strong to your values, you will not do everything right and the ones that hold your hand along the way will NEVER let you fall.  The ones that stand with you will always be there loving you unconditionally even after you come out of your cocoon and turn into the beautiful butterfly you are meant to be. 

Daddy

Daddy ...........  That strong man with a gentle smile that make u feel so safe in the crazy world around you.  How the memories of your unconditional love still helps me to find my way through this ever changing world.  How the warmth of your love still cover me as if your protection never ceased.

The old familiar songs would play and in the memories of yesterday still lies the hope that one day we will meet again.  One thing I remember most is that I played the game of draught with him for years and he will always beat me -- then came one day I finally won -- I never wanted to play after that -- he smiled and said --- "Did u really win or did I let you win?" Haha -- I asked "so which one is it?  His answer was -- "The one that you know is true".  Why did you let me win then I asked --- his smile said it all -- I love you!

How your presense made me feel that my mistakes was not mistakes,  they were just steps being taken to reach the best of who I am.  How your punishment would put that fear that doing wrong was not an option.  How the many lessons I learnt in your silence is still with me today.  How your messages lies in the music I dont even understand. 

Thank you my beautiful father -- thank you for cubing my fruits and placing a fork in it, thank you for allowing me to suck my thumb on your lap and play with your ear.  Thank you for sacrificing for me to have what  I needed and wanted,  thank for the journey of trials and tribulations that is still unfolding.  Thank you for sitting with me nights upon nights when I didnt feel well, for making ginger tea that I hated so much.  Thank you for knowing all my mistakes even before I did and for taking my hand in yours.  Thank you for asking all the masqueraders at Carnival time for their banners so that I can go home and pretend to be them. Looking back now your love was in every act, in every smile and even in every stern word.

The lessons we learn from our parents is one of the most integral part of our upbringing.  Sometimes we miss those lessons until we become a parent ourselves and then we understand, but the lessons are never lost -- we just see it later on in life.  In every memory lies the hidden message that brings us to that special awareness. 

Thank u dad for the gift of u :)

Divine Unfolding

The canvas is empty -- paint a picture -- write a story -- share a smile or just love unconditionally.  Whatever we choose to put on this canvas always have something higher at work for us and within us.    The colours on this canvas is used to create perfect rainbows in the end.

Divine unfolding - those sacred words -- what does it mean ? For me its everything that just IS.  Whenever I meditate and I sit and listen to what is told to me - I always hear --- "I am with you".  He is always with us touching our souls with every step we take.  His divine plan unfolds in everything we see.. I heard the saying quite a few times --- "We can plan all we want but HE is the best of planners. 

This sacred unfolding happens to us all the time -we just dont realise it  at the time.  Time often goes by and when we look back we know whatever happened brought us to a better place.  We are all unique -- we love differently,  however how we choose to splash the paint on our canvas will determine the picture we look at in the end.  If we look closely at the colours we would realise each colour whether dark or light is unfolding to bring us that beautiful picture.

We create everyday with the power of our thoughts, what is within projects outwards and our world is created.  The signs we get, the messages received, the people that step in and even the ones that step out are all unfolding perfectly.

The Divine - his love so vast for all his creation.   Im sure each one of us that closes our eyes and really concentrate on his love will hear the words "I am with you" :)  Trust that.

When we trust the divine plan and we go with it - flow with it and FEEL all that IS then we are at the core of our being!

The Book of Love

Im sure we continue on this journey wondering how we will find what our soul searches for. Sometimes we stop and think we found it but then life pushes us to a limit to question our decisions. We always find people that we have connections with on this path - but when we find them or they find us do we shift our world? Do we question every decision asking if it was a good one or not?

 

Dont question -- be free to feel what your guidance tells you. If you silence yourself you will find yourself smiling to the endless possibilities out there. The people on our path are our teachers -- every single one of them -- the chapters in our book of love are sometimes bookmarked by the intensity we feel for others and how it has impacted on our journey.

 

What does our soul search for ?? Why do we sit and say sometimes -- is this "IT"? What the soul searches is completeness -- the bliss of finding who you truly are in this beautiful world and on this beautiful journey.

 

I call it the Book of Love as everyone knows  -- "Everything is for us and not to us." Every single meeting with others is here out of Love for us -- to push us to the very core of our being - to understand who we are and to answer that question we all long to answer – “what is our purpose here?”.

 

Some of these people stay with us on our journey to ourselves and some change direction to follow their own path -- their own truth and turn the pages in their own Book of Love. Sometimes we are left heartbroken, we are left trying to find a way to survive. There are love stories that push us to unbearable limits and we try to find that balance to help us to move on.

Love is not based on a touch or the things that others would do to prove it to you. It is felt deep within that you just "know". Its the inner voice talking to us and in that you get the comfort of how imperfectly perfect you are.

 

Some say "I love you" but most times there are limits. Limits to what they can do or what they wont do -- how much they can give because they look for what you give out to match that. Unconditional love is just what it says "unconditional". I smile sometimes when I hear people around me -- I sometimes hear -- "when you give me what I need I will do what you want me to do" ever heard that ?? what about -- "U dont deserve anything because you did not give me what I wanted”.

 

Funny isnt it ?? We say we love others more than life itself sometimes but we wait to see what we get first before we can show our love. Love is not based on what you get back.  Its based on going within and allowing that light to shine out, rippling over with unconditional love for all. In doing that it creates that purity of Love that we all seek and in shining that light for others you will find the beauty of all that IS.

 

So when next you go back to your chapters and you read the bookmarked pages -- smile -- they were the most beautiful teachers. The book of Love is never closed -- the pages just keep being written as we go along on this beautiful journey :)

 

Leaders

Ever wondered what is the difference between a "Boss" and a "Leader"?.  I truly believe a Leader is one who is servicing others.  His character shows in his actions and his deeds.  How many times we come across bosses that only care to make money and not care for their workers?. You see those same bosses giving to the famous charities only to have the name out there but with their own people who work diligently for years are not even spoken to. 

I am very much aware of people around me and the people that I choose to take into my space.  The characters stand out more than you know.  I would know this because I am blessed to be someone who works for a Leader not a Boss.  His unselfish acts, his generosity and his kindness speaks volumes.  His Leadership brings togetherness and love.  He touches each soul on a different level and he is far beyond the greed for money.  He loves it - he wants it but he gets it because of his unwavering commitment to serving others.

Three weeks ago as most would know the compound I live on was flooded out.  One of first to call was him -- I was in tears at the time -- his first words were "Nothing to worry about -- I will help you".  Sometimes things are said by others and they have no idea the impact  they have on others with just little words.  I knew this to be true as over the years he have never failed in his determination to make "his children" successful.  U see the difference to me is this -- he knows what is needed and when it is needed.  He just knows.  He knows when to push you to the limit of yourself to be successful and then he knows when its time to give generously without a question.  His light is more than each one of us that work for him can ask for. 

His richness goes beyond the financial aspect of his life and he continues to grow daily.  Leadership is never easy -- everyone wants their ego stroked from time to time -- but with him its a fleeting moment.

We often hear the saying "Teach someone how to fish instead of handing them the fish".  There are some circumstances where you need to hand the fish -- and some you teach how to fish.  The difference lies in the love and compassion you feel for others.  We cant make a difference to the whole world all at once but it starts with the "man in the mirror. 

A company is not a company without the "people".  When I look at companies now and you see the "Boss"  I often ask myself -- wonder which one --- Leader or Boss??

Mere Raam

I was listening to a song called "Mere Raam"  it means "My God" and it stirred so many emotions.  As I sat I closed my eyes and I can still type this while the song is playing. I can surely feel what it means and I can feel all the divine energies flowing through me and for me.  Two simple words "My God" what does it mean to you ?? 

 There is music that sings to your soul and you will feel connected to it - something we are all familiar with but it does something within us

I get to ask all the questions and I get to feel the answers -- I get to say "why?" and the light of the divine answers it on so many levels -- we are never apart.  And the tears would flow and the emotions are so very high when you are in this dance.  No one can tell you how you should feel and why you should - you embrace the emotions coming out and you take with you the lessons it teaches. 

When I look around me I see all the people whose light connects with mines and they are shining brighter than I have ever seen them.  U get so everwhelmed with emotions -- u are LOVE.

All dressed in white sitting by the ocean as the sun sets listening to the music of the soul and connecting with the Divine.  Basking in all that IS.  You are always protected.  Each and every soul has a journey -- its their journey -- their path to follow  and you have yours.  The souls that stay with you no matter what are the ones that would bring to you the light.  They shine their light for you to follow and in following them you reach level after level until you reach that state that IS.

I am not at that level but the journey in getting there is so profound --mystery after mystery. 
Let your journey be free to feel -- feel all the emotions that you need to feel -- love them and embrace them in your own way.  

So choose the music that sings to your soul and connect in a way that is beyond anything you have ever known.   ..................................  Feel your Raam

A Vacation

I read today"Instead of worrying when your next vacation is going to be, maybe you should set up a life you dont have to run away from".  True isnt it?  We dont like Monday mornings as we dont like to find our way to the workplace.  When we find the joy in our jobs and do it with passion then the rewards are endless. 

I remember when my boss sold the Company - I was devastated.  He sold the Company to friends of his and was quite confident that the culture there would not change.  It didnt for a couple years but then things inevitably did.  I was not happy there anymore and it showed in how I did my job and how much I got back from it.  Over a year or so things changed drastically and my previous boss got wind of all that was happening.  He with his kind heart decided to start a new Company and called me.  I was one of the first 5 people to resign after being there for 15 years.  I did not know anything about  salary or how we were going to make it as we had no stock - we had nothing really.  All I knew I trusted this man implicitly and I knew within myself we were going to make it.  

The five of us that resigned at the time sat around a table in a small office.  I still remember my first sale -- it was from a Company that have been with me for years . To cut the story here,  we are now the number one promotional items Company in Trinidad after just 2 years.  The passion we had inside to make it drove us to do what we needed to do to make it.  We enjoyed every second of it and we had love all around us. 

I do understand that not everyones workplace is going to be the same - and I  do know that we need to have an income to live but what I also know is that when your follow your passion and do it with love then you will be where you want to be faster than you can imagine.  I heard someone say not to long ago -- If you want to become a millionaire then help someone else become one :). 

Dont worry about the vacation that is needed sometimes - instead set up the life that you dont need to run from and everyday will be a vacation.  I smile at Monday mornings. We all have our stress to deal with day in day out sometimes but when your heart sings with the essense of life, when you inhale gratitude and let out peace -- Your world becomes sanctuary ....... :)

Finding your way !

Finding your way is never easy -- following a path that you are comfortable with and the path that takes you away from the judgement of others is very difficult.  We were born and then before you know it belief systems was handed to you and we all followed without a question. We were told if we  question the wrath will be upon us so we sat back and just followed. 

But then one day the search began - the questions that kept nagging at you in your heart had to come out and you start that shift - that freedom within to explore and understand - who am I and what am I here for.  We all have this within us but some see it and some choose not to ask the questions. Some find their path and they are contented with what they have chosen. 

We were judged based on whether we ask questions or we dont.  I live in a world where every religion believes they are the right way and that we will feel the wrath upon us if we dont follow.  But is it really so ?  I learnt now we find our own way - shine our own light and connect with our maker in the most comfortable way known to us.  We should be passionate of getting to know and loving our God the best way we know how. 

We should treat all of mankind with unconditional love regardless of what religion or path they have chosen to take.  Isnt this the true message?  Isnt this how God loves us ?  Unconditionally?  We often try to find our way - find our path - and we search and search out there to get the information we need to take the next step but we bypass looking within.  When we are passionate about who we are and what we stand for then we have defined ourself.   When we connect with God we need not search any longer as we found what we have been searching for right inside of us.  Our higher self will never steer us wrong if we just learn to connect on a pure level and listen to the voices within. 

I heard something today --they were talking about -- IMAGINATION -- he said "I -- Magi ---- Nation"  we are a nation of magic.  We can create only if we allow ourselves to imagine what we want out of life and love and then the magic is created.  We all know the saying -- you bring about what u think about. 

Lets connect - lets leave the fact that we follow a particular religion to dissuade us from being the best we can be to each other. We all try to find our way - but we can only do this by being true to ourselves.  The people and signs are all there to help us on our way if we just pay attention them.  Our path is a journey - a journey not based on the belief system given to us but by the belief system we create for ourselves from our hearts. 

The Message

Do we look at others and the status they carry before we can take a message from them?? I know some do - they only take the signs and the words that come from their spiritual leaders or their parents, teachers and the list go on.  Its only taken from the people that are worth something in their minds or hearts.  Why is this??  Is it because we lack the awareness of lifes signs that speak to us everyday?  I think we do sometimes. 

I have realised the messages and signs come in all forms from the people we least expect but if we open our hearts and minds to the beauty there is and that each and every single one of us have something to teach others then our path would be easier to follow.  There are signs in everyone -- the words others speak are to you and also for you.  It comes in all disguises we just have to listen.

I once had a friend that told me he was going through a very hard time in life - he lost his girlfriend, job and didnt know how to handle things.  While chatting I asked him "so what did you do ?"  His answer was - "I wanted to end it all -  but I couldnt"  so the next best thing to do was to drown his sorrow with alcohol.  I said "u drank it all away??"  He said I tried to but something happened that night.  I remember his words -- "I was driving to the next available bar I can find and as he came out his car a man passed close to him as he was closing the door and bounced his shoulders,  as he turned around he saw a dirty looking man barely clothed with a bottle in his hand - drunk as can be.  He smiled and opened his car again and went back home. 

He told me I knew if i had started drinking that night I probably would not have stopped and looking at that man that night I believed it was a sign.  God used a drunk man to send a message to him - to send a sign to him.  To date he survived and have a lovely life.  

My friends the signs are always there - the messages are always there if we just take the time to notice them.  We sometimes think that the only people that can guide us are the ones that we look up to and the ones that have given us guidance all our lives but this certainly is not the case.  We have messages in everyone -- even a beggar on the street.  They are there to remind us sometimes that the choices we make lands us where we are.  We are ONE and we contine to learn and grow each and everyday.

Unconditional love is something we need to cultivate for others and for mankind.  When we love unconditionally even to the ones that hurt us we let go - we let go of all the blockages that keeps us from stepping forward and claiming all that is rightfully ours.  The gift of life, the gift of love and all that it brings with it. 

We are LOVE and if we take every person as a message - every sign as a message and we learn to take from others - whether it be our leaders, our parents , our family, our angels and guides we will grow into the beings we were created to be.  A being of infinite light and love ...... :)

Trials

God loved me enough to put me through a trial recently.  I couldnt understand what was taking place - all I knew in a couple of days things went out of hand and I lost people I knew for a long long time.
The understanding of things was not there but still in the realization of why I think they happened hurt even more.  They pass judgement for things that they themselves have caused by their own hands.  I did see the signs I just totally ignored them. 

I saw different sides to people that I never knew existed.  One day someone is telling me I am an amazing woman and the very next day it was a different story being told. Who knows what the hidden agendas could have been.  I was forced to let things go and move on and not fighting for what I know to be the truth. 

Friends claim they love you but when the going gets tough they allow you to walk in darkness as they sit back and smile causing conflicts everywhere they turn.  What was even more enlightening to me is that these emotions was there all along, it was just disguised in a way I never suspected.

This has happened to every single one of us at some point or the other but yet still when it happens to people we know we take sides without even asking "What happened".  A true leader always put the welfare of their followers above their own.  They have a sense of stern kindness when they need to be and their humbleness is evidence of the wisdom they have within.

When I sit and listen to my conscience, my inner guidance - you know the thing that never steers you wrong ?  U find all the answers to every single question and you realise that God was there all along.  He was just guiding you to a better place but it took something ugly to get you there.  This year is a year of cleansing,  and so it will be.  Things will happen that we dont understand but it will be for our higher good. 

You always try to remember the good in others -- people were not always this way - change is constant.  Remember the times you laughed with the person, when you would have lunch and talk for hours.  Keep those memories alive and let go of the ones that hurt -- it has already served its purpose. 

When I look back now I smile,  I use to think if I lost people I will be so alone.  I am overwhelmed by how much more God have put into my life now.  People that sit with me and laugh uncontrollably, People that everyday when we talk its filled with inspiration and helping others.  People that come online just to say hello and share with me the steps they are taking in becoming succesful.  Friends walking back into my life that I thought I lost forever.  The realization that life is ever changing and learning from those changes are the most beautiful gifts.

So when Im driving now and an old familiar song plays that takes you back to the memories -I smile.  The freeness I feel now is something that is unexplainable.  Finding who you truly are is a journey and it takes people to help you achieve that.  The people that hurt you is not to be blamed for anything -- they were part of the journey to finding you.  Thank them and know within you learnt from them the lessons that have now made you even stronger than before. 

None of us are exempted from mistakes, we all make it and we all hurt others at some point in time -some intentional and some unintentional.  When others hurt you let it go, take no revenge its not worth it in the end -- use your energies for helping others, loving others, being kind to others and you will see that the world that u once thought was falling apart is now the world you cant wait to "live" in. 

Answered Prayers

Sometimes we go through life just wondering sometimes, wondering what is out there for us, wondering who is going to come along and sweep us off our feet, wondering if we would ever find love, trust , care and all the other things that goes along with our hunger for love,  We often wonder if God is really listening, if the angels are really holding our hands, you wonder if they are  really there when we call upon them – or is God really llstening when we go on our knees begging for a way out of these problems that always seem to come face to face with us day after day.

The beauty of what is outside is an indication of the beauty within.  When we open our hearts to being at peace with ourselves then we can truly see the beauty around.  When we have a heart of gratitude for all the beauty around us , only then the veil from our eyes are removed and we see the beauty of everyone and everything that was created.

I watched my mom 3 years ago in the Intensive Care Unit fighting for her life  – she did not respond for two days, her eyes remained closed with not an indication if she will ever open it.  The doctors can only tell us what they know nothing more - we just had to wait and pray.   I thought it was the end and my heart broke seeing her lying there with just tubes down her neck.  Prayers would be on our lips constantly as we watched with the shiver in our hearts that maybe she may not make it.  Then she awoke on the 3^rd day – although she did she could not speak - u would call her name and her eyes will just fly open – she could not answer you.  By the 5^th day things started changing – one of the times I remember was when I needed to put some lip balm on her lips as it was cracked and the nurse said “Let her do it”  I remember putting the balm on her finger but she could not reach her lips – she just kept trying – her mouth could not reach her hands and her hand could not reach her mouth.  My heart broke in a million pieces as never before had I seen an adult turn into a child again.  All the while – tears were being shed, hopes were lost , prayers just seemed like it would never be answered , and thoughts that the Angels are not hearing my cries.

3 Years after I can look back and say – God was there, the angels did hear me – I was just too caught up in wanting everything to happen now so I would feel better.  I did not realize that it was answered almost immediately – just her physical body needed time to heal itself. 

I lost my dad 19 years ago – he was more to me than anything but that day at the hospital bed I could have felt his presense – and I remember saying – “I already lost you – please don’t  take her now”  little did I know he was not there to take her but maybe to give her the strength to come back fully. 

My friends we have soo many questions sometimes that goes unanswered, some days we are at our worst and some days we at our best,  sometimes its hard to believe that our prayers are going to be answered and you don’t think the angels are listening.  But I have come to know now that just because you don’t see a way doesn’t mean God doesn’t have a way!!  In our lives each and everyday we sometimes take for granted the little things, maybe our parents, our families and maybe even the fact that we are not in a hospital.  Lets all strive to be better to all so that maybe if we do end up in a hospital bed that the light that shines within us will be enough to give our loved ones the faith to believe that all prayers will be answered and that the angels are always with us. 

Let your light shine :)

When Doors Close

I read somewhere that things arent always what they seem.  Acquiring wisdom in the situations we face can be quite difficult when blinded by what we believe in and how we think things should be.  No one really listens -- all people hear is the rambling of their own voice higher than others.

I remember a year ago I lost contact with someone that I loved dearly.  We were best friends for over 15 years – I remember her first job – it was with me and our friendship went on for years from then.  The laughter, the talks, the tears we both faced took us to places we never really understood.  One day this friend left me – based on her own truth and how things were perceived.  We never talked about it in detail – it was her voice above mines and my voice above hers.  So the friendship separated. 

Over the time period we kept in contact only with birthdays and even though it was a happy moment to receive the messages it was also a sad moment to be reminded of what was no longer there.  Hearts remained empty but what was most important is that we had no hate – we just had no understanding of where each other was at.  One thing I always admired though was her honesty.  Blunt and sometimes wrong as she was – she said it anyway.  Me on the other hand – held the silence of things I needed to say. 

The day I started this blog – I remembered all the people that pushed me to do this and as I remember it her name stood out most as I started to write many many years ago.  I realised something for the first time that day – I no longer feared talking to her and I got on facebook and sent her a message thanking her for the words of encouragement many years ago.  I was pleasantly surprised at the message I got back – Her words .....

"My heart has always cherished and kept our friendship safe and secure as I know that one day this door will open and release all the unspoken love, greetings, encouragement, late night talks, sharing and hugs that were left untouched for so long.  I certainly hope that one day we could both smile again to this."

Sometimes people walk out and you think the doors are closed.  Its not that way most times.  If this person walks out for good based on ugliness then this is for your higher good but does not mean that everyone that walks out means they wont return someday when you least expect .  She followed her truth and I followed mines.  In time hurt turned into compassion/

I also read recently : What others say or do is because of their perception of their reality. It has no connection whatsoever with your perception of reality. When you make yourself immune to the opinions and actions of others, you automatically detach from needless suffering.

Our truth is what is important -- it is often said if you cant speak your truth then hold your silence.  Their is something in my religion called "Fitnah"  it means "separation".  And the verse goes "Do not leave any stone unturned for those who cause fitnah" meaning people who cause separation between others.

Creating peace is hard when you try to be right.  But if you chose to be happy instead of right then your words will always be directed towards the light.  We are all guilty of it at one time or another but if we really take humans as people who have feelings we will learn to listen and understand views.  And if we have compassion those views will be understood.  You may not always agree with it but in the end you will be more respected for speaking a kind word instead of creating wars.

The people who walk out does not always mean u are right and they are wrong it just means they are following their own truth and they are teachers -- they taught us something and they learnt something as well. 

Gratitude

My husband said to me "Gratitude" is unconditional.  Wherever we go whatever we do we should be grateful for all that we have. Being thankful to others opens doors to greater things.  We often look at our lives questioning all that has happened and continue to happen.  Everyone have Angels, everyone have the guidance within and we also know what is right from wrong.  We all make mistakes -- all of us -- but when others do we should do our best to shine a light on their path not allow them to walk in darkness.

Sometimes the biggest lessons come out of the smallest problems - we try hard to see why others do what they do but in the end we need to let go of the cause.  The effect is there to teach us -- to bring us to a different place where you will shine more than you did before.  I read once in a post -- "I dont have an attitude problem - you have a perception problem" -- quite true sometimes -- what we perceive others to be are sometimes not what things are  - depends on which side of the fense you are on.  If we sit and really listen to someone sometimes you will realise that there are always a deeper root to their actions -- sometimes you understand those reasons and sometimes you dont but what is important is that you listened.

So be grateful in your heart - in your actions - in your speech.  There should not be conditions to be grateful -- if we cultivate that in our hearts we will be grateful for everything even the things that are the hardest to comprehend.  Never underestimate the abilities you have within.  Let go of the situations that bring you no peace - be strong enough to be YOU  -- and dont let anyone define who you are. 

A teacher once said in a class I am in "When you know who you are and know what you stand for" you have defined yourself.  Detach he said -- detach from situations and stand outside yourself and try to feel the other person.  When we do this we get a sense of calm and we can smile -- we detach from needless suffering. 

Lessons at a Funeral

Today I heard the pundit say : When you die – two things people can say – “its good he is gone” or they can say – “A good one has gone”.  He said the way we live our lives will determine which one it is.  Every person in life makes mistakes – big and small – every single person when they are making these mistakes know the difference between right and wrong however u still make it – maybe because of selfishness etc.    These things are all fine as we know that we all make mistakes however what is sad is when others want to see those mistakes happen to you.  When others go out of their way to make sure that you are hurt or in pain.  Sad isn’t it???? I know others have a perception of things and they also have stories of how things were told to them – but they never take the time to sit with you and find out – hey what really happened here – hear you and maybe give the advice needed to help you – Instead they smile – they kiss you, they talk to you really sweetly but they choose sides because whoever told them something is closer to them than you are – amazing.  So they live their life with a perception – the perception of all the things you did wrong – and all the things u continue to do wrong. 

I heard someone say once – forgive your enemies – but never ever forget their names .  Mistakes are there to be made – trial and error – to help each one of us reach to the point that when you die as the pundit said – It’s a good one has gone.  Some of us may be late in learning but why choose to redicule and make sure that someone and the whole world knows the mistakes others make?  I see it in families among your own and instead of help they cause hindrances.   Sad but true. 

• You choose the people in your space – and what I have learnt is you smile with everyone – u will know the ones that smile with you and not really concerned with your life and you will also know the ones that will be there to help you.  The ones that take a roll in just saying “ Hey – are you ok ?  what happen? Can I be of any help to you ?  The ones that never ask anything because they choose to take sides is the same kind of people to the ones that told them in the first place and they do belong together .  This is just mirrors of yourself.  So when someone wants to see ill for you smile – and say You may shoot me with your words, You may cut me with your eyes, You may Kill me with your hatefulness, But still, like air--I'll rise.

Remember you are loved by someone in this world and unconditionally by the being above.  If someone judges you by the things they hear then its great they live perfect lives and its wonderful they never made mistakes and it even better that the future is in their grasp that these things will NEVER happen to them.  When you choose to bring down someones character whether its true or not what you are really doing is showing up your own. 

So in the funeral today – we let go of the flesh but never the memories – and this my friends are what you create everyday for someone else.  Let the memories you create for others be good ones.. 

FAITH

The word a lot of people use quite often.  How many times are you down in a rut – feeling all miserable cause your  life is turning upside down and someone looks at you and say – don’t worry just have faith and things will work out.  Of course all you really want to do is knock this person over with a brick because how can they truly understand what you are feeling.  I have realized that we have faith in a lot of things – God, family, friends, our kids and even in ourselves but do we really have it?  At times I think we do – and sometimes it no where to be found.  We often stereotype others – we look at them go to church, mosque the temples and we say to ourselves – wow they must have a lot of faith and nothing can really shake that.

I remember a lesson I learnt when I visited Makkah for the hajj – there were probably hundreds of thousands of people at a time there and I was making my way out of the mosque, I saw this man on a wheelchair trying to get to the barrels of water – the barrels were a bit low for him to reach so I went across to him and asked him if he needed help – he said yes – so I filled the cup and the bottle for him.  On doing so I realized that he was all alone with no one to help him – I asked are you here alone – he said yes – I said – there are sooo many people here how do you move around all by yourself – his answer was – I come here every year – by myself and I have no doubt that God will take care of me – I wanted to drink water and He sent you to fill my cup.  Faith????  The unquestionable kind.

What I saw that day was someone regardless of religion found something that we all strive for.  Some have it already and some still trying to reach to that level.  When we realize that God provides, he takes care of us no matter what – we feel that sense of peace within ourselves that is without fear.  We have to be kind to MANKIND .  This man on the wheelchair taught me something that day because I was there and complaining about what kind of room we got and when are we going to get a proper plate of food and here it is sooo many of them with a lot less and the faith was unquestionable.  I remember him putting his hand on my head and he said – God bless you and when you return to your home land – everything will be clear to you.  I watched this man wheel himself away as if he was some kind of Angel coming to give me a message – in my heart that is who I think he was.

Its not about who we pray to – what car we drive or even how much wealth we have – when we come down to earth and realize that everyone that comes into our path is an opportunity – maybe to make a difference, maybe just to help, maybe just to smile we would realize that faith does not lie in the answers to your questions but it lies in the heart of knowing that the existence from Above will be there always.

Always BELIEVE , be greatful for the wonderful things around you and  everyday as you wake you would realize that your faith have become unquestionable.

Be free to be YOU

Ever had someone in your life make you feel wrong about yourself – wrong about the decisions you make, wrong for loving them too much, wrong for doing your hair – making yourself look nice,  wrong for caring, wrong for putting your life on hold just because you choose them??  Its all over the world – u feel so stifled because you are not sure if your next decision is going to be the right one – u walk on egg shells thinking “oh is he/she going to like this? “ . 

STOP NOW,  your decisions for all the above is NOT wrong – it’s the choices you make to be kind to someone else.  If you realize that a relationship is making you feel this way – let go of the negatives as later down you will find yourself hating yourself for it.  I always believe – change your thoughts – change your life --- don’t give people like this a second thought – they are there only as our teachers to bring us to the best of who you can be.

Sometimes when you sit down and wonder  how many years you wasted being unhappy – u feel worse as you did nothing about it.  Happiness is a state of mind and does not lie in the hands of someone else. Never underestimate the potential to be free, free to be yourself, free to give , care, love and touch every single soul that you come in contact with – even if its with a smile, a touch or maybe just some words of inspiration.

I always like to give a story --  I remember one of my friends giving me a story of her life – she gave up doing photography to marry the man of her dreams as he did not want her to work.  She will do her hair and it’s a problem – she will do things for him and she will be told that she is caring too much.  For years she resented the fact she gave up her dream to be someone he wanted her to be.  Is it worth it?  It never is,  nothing is wrong with her choice as she did something she wanted to do at the time, however, the difference is he made her feel wrong about it.  If the appreciation, love care and assistance was there she would have looked at him everyday with a smile on her face and say – I love him – he is worth it – wow what an amazing feeling. 

Its hard to know if someone is worth it or not – u have to go through the trials and tribulations – but one thing I learnt is that – never allow someone to make you feel less of yourself.  Never allow them to take away your right to be free – to make your own choices and to co exist in the environment that is pleasing to all involved.  Don’t let anyone steal your right to smile. 

You have a RIGHT to be happy – make it happen.

Strength

I wrote this line not to long ago --- Sometimes courage is what it takes to stand up and talk and sometimes its what it takes to sit down and listen.  Some say strength is in numbers – although this may be true – strength to me is indomitable will.  The strength to go on when all else fails – the will that is not easily discouraged.  We can grasp all the energy we like from everything around us but its our inner strength that gives us the drive to make the difference.   When we see our children crying – where does the mother get that inner strength from to find a way to dry those tears and put a smile on her childs face.  We watch our parents grow old and we bear the pain of seeing them in a capacity maybe us to will find ourselves in one day  – yet still we miss the lesson.  I have considered  certain people  a pillar of strength for me because as I look at their lives the strength I gain in the knowledge of their yesterday is the strength I need for the guidance of my tomorrow.  When I think about true strength my mind goes off to the mothers – the ones that love UNCONDITIONALLY.  I remember not to long ago – I called my mom and I said to her “Mom there is a house not far from me I want to buy – gosh I wish I had the money for it”  she asked  - how much is it – I told her the cost – she did not say anything – we spoke about other things and I ended the conversation.  The next day I called and she was sounding very sad – I asked – what is wrong ?  she was in tears – her exact words were –“ I have nothing to give you so you can buy the house – I don’t have any money to give you – I wish I did” – I kept silent – as I realized even in my dreams of tomorrow – its still a part of her dream to make it happen – as big as I am – the unconditional love is always there.  This to me is the strength we rely on – the memories live in our minds and project a foundation that we grow on. 

We often wonder where we will find the strength to do what we need to  - its found in sooo many places – the tears of our parents,  the touch of a hand,  the smile of a newborn, the crashing sound of the waves,  the stars in the sky,  the sunsets, the sunrise,  a postcard, a hug, the warmth of an angel, a childs smile, the loss of a loved one but most of all the strongest of it all is found within.  Find the inner strength within you and touch the world.  Whatever life throws at you – find the strength to keep calm and bring forth the beauty of yourself – smile – lift your head up and look around you – u will realize that your strength is as radiant as you are. 

The Light

Ever sit and wonder why life takes you to the unknown destinations.  Why with every step your mind still wonders even though you may see the picture clearly.  I often wondered, I often cried, I often questioned what is the unknown.  I often seeked the answers that only with deep concentration you will find right inside yourself.  The unknown is only unknown because we have not given life to it.  I am not talking about the things we don’t know about – I am talking about the things that we want for our own life yet still we try to figure out why it has not happened as yet.  Focus is the hardest thing in every day life.  The determination to go against all odds and do something you truly believe in.  Fear stands like a wall in front of you – wasting the years away – until we find ourselves in a rut that we can never find ourselves out of.  The quality of our thoughts are based on only the things we want and not the things that may help a fellow human being – despite colour, creed or race.  I realize a long time ago when my world was shattered and I was left with nothing but courage and hope of a brighter day that the only thing that stops you from creating is you.  I still sit and wonder why haven’t I gotten what I want as yet, but the answer to that is always – the bigger plan will unfold in time.  I have no patience to wait, but yet still I survive it – how?  With the faith that you seem to find somewhere when things are going all wrong.  We all learn different lessons at different times and what we don’t realize is that life will push us through it over and over again until we learn it.  We find ourselves in similar relationships with people that we try to get away from because we did not learn from the last one.  And then we ask ourselves – why do I attract this type of people in my life?  Stop learning the same lesson and find it within yourself to change that which you know you can change. I look around and even though the ones that find themselves in the religious places are the ones that do not follow the simple teachings in life – why is this?  We try to stop ourselves so many times from making the mistakes – we are going to make it – no one is perfect but in times of depression – look  inside and find that light – that Noor.  Find the light that shines within and you will see that you are an amazing person.  When the dirt is thrown at your back – shake it off and step up.  No one has the right to tell you – who you are or what you can do.  At the poorest time of my life believe it or not I was the richest.  I found something at that time that was unexplainable – I found myself – in the horrors of facing a life with nothing – I found peace and with every step – there were hands holding mines – they didn’t let me fall.  They still don’t.