Trials

God loved me enough to put me through a trial recently.  I couldnt understand what was taking place - all I knew in a couple of days things went out of hand and I lost people I knew for a long long time.
The understanding of things was not there but still in the realization of why I think they happened hurt even more.  They pass judgement for things that they themselves have caused by their own hands.  I did see the signs I just totally ignored them. 

I saw different sides to people that I never knew existed.  One day someone is telling me I am an amazing woman and the very next day it was a different story being told. Who knows what the hidden agendas could have been.  I was forced to let things go and move on and not fighting for what I know to be the truth. 

Friends claim they love you but when the going gets tough they allow you to walk in darkness as they sit back and smile causing conflicts everywhere they turn.  What was even more enlightening to me is that these emotions was there all along, it was just disguised in a way I never suspected.

This has happened to every single one of us at some point or the other but yet still when it happens to people we know we take sides without even asking "What happened".  A true leader always put the welfare of their followers above their own.  They have a sense of stern kindness when they need to be and their humbleness is evidence of the wisdom they have within.

When I sit and listen to my conscience, my inner guidance - you know the thing that never steers you wrong ?  U find all the answers to every single question and you realise that God was there all along.  He was just guiding you to a better place but it took something ugly to get you there.  This year is a year of cleansing,  and so it will be.  Things will happen that we dont understand but it will be for our higher good. 

You always try to remember the good in others -- people were not always this way - change is constant.  Remember the times you laughed with the person, when you would have lunch and talk for hours.  Keep those memories alive and let go of the ones that hurt -- it has already served its purpose. 

When I look back now I smile,  I use to think if I lost people I will be so alone.  I am overwhelmed by how much more God have put into my life now.  People that sit with me and laugh uncontrollably, People that everyday when we talk its filled with inspiration and helping others.  People that come online just to say hello and share with me the steps they are taking in becoming succesful.  Friends walking back into my life that I thought I lost forever.  The realization that life is ever changing and learning from those changes are the most beautiful gifts.

So when Im driving now and an old familiar song plays that takes you back to the memories -I smile.  The freeness I feel now is something that is unexplainable.  Finding who you truly are is a journey and it takes people to help you achieve that.  The people that hurt you is not to be blamed for anything -- they were part of the journey to finding you.  Thank them and know within you learnt from them the lessons that have now made you even stronger than before. 

None of us are exempted from mistakes, we all make it and we all hurt others at some point in time -some intentional and some unintentional.  When others hurt you let it go, take no revenge its not worth it in the end -- use your energies for helping others, loving others, being kind to others and you will see that the world that u once thought was falling apart is now the world you cant wait to "live" in. 

Answered Prayers

Sometimes we go through life just wondering sometimes, wondering what is out there for us, wondering who is going to come along and sweep us off our feet, wondering if we would ever find love, trust , care and all the other things that goes along with our hunger for love,  We often wonder if God is really listening, if the angels are really holding our hands, you wonder if they are  really there when we call upon them – or is God really llstening when we go on our knees begging for a way out of these problems that always seem to come face to face with us day after day.

The beauty of what is outside is an indication of the beauty within.  When we open our hearts to being at peace with ourselves then we can truly see the beauty around.  When we have a heart of gratitude for all the beauty around us , only then the veil from our eyes are removed and we see the beauty of everyone and everything that was created.

I watched my mom 3 years ago in the Intensive Care Unit fighting for her life  – she did not respond for two days, her eyes remained closed with not an indication if she will ever open it.  The doctors can only tell us what they know nothing more - we just had to wait and pray.   I thought it was the end and my heart broke seeing her lying there with just tubes down her neck.  Prayers would be on our lips constantly as we watched with the shiver in our hearts that maybe she may not make it.  Then she awoke on the 3^rd day – although she did she could not speak - u would call her name and her eyes will just fly open – she could not answer you.  By the 5^th day things started changing – one of the times I remember was when I needed to put some lip balm on her lips as it was cracked and the nurse said “Let her do it”  I remember putting the balm on her finger but she could not reach her lips – she just kept trying – her mouth could not reach her hands and her hand could not reach her mouth.  My heart broke in a million pieces as never before had I seen an adult turn into a child again.  All the while – tears were being shed, hopes were lost , prayers just seemed like it would never be answered , and thoughts that the Angels are not hearing my cries.

3 Years after I can look back and say – God was there, the angels did hear me – I was just too caught up in wanting everything to happen now so I would feel better.  I did not realize that it was answered almost immediately – just her physical body needed time to heal itself. 

I lost my dad 19 years ago – he was more to me than anything but that day at the hospital bed I could have felt his presense – and I remember saying – “I already lost you – please don’t  take her now”  little did I know he was not there to take her but maybe to give her the strength to come back fully. 

My friends we have soo many questions sometimes that goes unanswered, some days we are at our worst and some days we at our best,  sometimes its hard to believe that our prayers are going to be answered and you don’t think the angels are listening.  But I have come to know now that just because you don’t see a way doesn’t mean God doesn’t have a way!!  In our lives each and everyday we sometimes take for granted the little things, maybe our parents, our families and maybe even the fact that we are not in a hospital.  Lets all strive to be better to all so that maybe if we do end up in a hospital bed that the light that shines within us will be enough to give our loved ones the faith to believe that all prayers will be answered and that the angels are always with us. 

Let your light shine :)

When Doors Close

I read somewhere that things arent always what they seem.  Acquiring wisdom in the situations we face can be quite difficult when blinded by what we believe in and how we think things should be.  No one really listens -- all people hear is the rambling of their own voice higher than others.

I remember a year ago I lost contact with someone that I loved dearly.  We were best friends for over 15 years – I remember her first job – it was with me and our friendship went on for years from then.  The laughter, the talks, the tears we both faced took us to places we never really understood.  One day this friend left me – based on her own truth and how things were perceived.  We never talked about it in detail – it was her voice above mines and my voice above hers.  So the friendship separated. 

Over the time period we kept in contact only with birthdays and even though it was a happy moment to receive the messages it was also a sad moment to be reminded of what was no longer there.  Hearts remained empty but what was most important is that we had no hate – we just had no understanding of where each other was at.  One thing I always admired though was her honesty.  Blunt and sometimes wrong as she was – she said it anyway.  Me on the other hand – held the silence of things I needed to say. 

The day I started this blog – I remembered all the people that pushed me to do this and as I remember it her name stood out most as I started to write many many years ago.  I realised something for the first time that day – I no longer feared talking to her and I got on facebook and sent her a message thanking her for the words of encouragement many years ago.  I was pleasantly surprised at the message I got back – Her words .....

"My heart has always cherished and kept our friendship safe and secure as I know that one day this door will open and release all the unspoken love, greetings, encouragement, late night talks, sharing and hugs that were left untouched for so long.  I certainly hope that one day we could both smile again to this."

Sometimes people walk out and you think the doors are closed.  Its not that way most times.  If this person walks out for good based on ugliness then this is for your higher good but does not mean that everyone that walks out means they wont return someday when you least expect .  She followed her truth and I followed mines.  In time hurt turned into compassion/

I also read recently : What others say or do is because of their perception of their reality. It has no connection whatsoever with your perception of reality. When you make yourself immune to the opinions and actions of others, you automatically detach from needless suffering.

Our truth is what is important -- it is often said if you cant speak your truth then hold your silence.  Their is something in my religion called "Fitnah"  it means "separation".  And the verse goes "Do not leave any stone unturned for those who cause fitnah" meaning people who cause separation between others.

Creating peace is hard when you try to be right.  But if you chose to be happy instead of right then your words will always be directed towards the light.  We are all guilty of it at one time or another but if we really take humans as people who have feelings we will learn to listen and understand views.  And if we have compassion those views will be understood.  You may not always agree with it but in the end you will be more respected for speaking a kind word instead of creating wars.

The people who walk out does not always mean u are right and they are wrong it just means they are following their own truth and they are teachers -- they taught us something and they learnt something as well. 

Gratitude

My husband said to me "Gratitude" is unconditional.  Wherever we go whatever we do we should be grateful for all that we have. Being thankful to others opens doors to greater things.  We often look at our lives questioning all that has happened and continue to happen.  Everyone have Angels, everyone have the guidance within and we also know what is right from wrong.  We all make mistakes -- all of us -- but when others do we should do our best to shine a light on their path not allow them to walk in darkness.

Sometimes the biggest lessons come out of the smallest problems - we try hard to see why others do what they do but in the end we need to let go of the cause.  The effect is there to teach us -- to bring us to a different place where you will shine more than you did before.  I read once in a post -- "I dont have an attitude problem - you have a perception problem" -- quite true sometimes -- what we perceive others to be are sometimes not what things are  - depends on which side of the fense you are on.  If we sit and really listen to someone sometimes you will realise that there are always a deeper root to their actions -- sometimes you understand those reasons and sometimes you dont but what is important is that you listened.

So be grateful in your heart - in your actions - in your speech.  There should not be conditions to be grateful -- if we cultivate that in our hearts we will be grateful for everything even the things that are the hardest to comprehend.  Never underestimate the abilities you have within.  Let go of the situations that bring you no peace - be strong enough to be YOU  -- and dont let anyone define who you are. 

A teacher once said in a class I am in "When you know who you are and know what you stand for" you have defined yourself.  Detach he said -- detach from situations and stand outside yourself and try to feel the other person.  When we do this we get a sense of calm and we can smile -- we detach from needless suffering. 

Lessons at a Funeral

Today I heard the pundit say : When you die – two things people can say – “its good he is gone” or they can say – “A good one has gone”.  He said the way we live our lives will determine which one it is.  Every person in life makes mistakes – big and small – every single person when they are making these mistakes know the difference between right and wrong however u still make it – maybe because of selfishness etc.    These things are all fine as we know that we all make mistakes however what is sad is when others want to see those mistakes happen to you.  When others go out of their way to make sure that you are hurt or in pain.  Sad isn’t it???? I know others have a perception of things and they also have stories of how things were told to them – but they never take the time to sit with you and find out – hey what really happened here – hear you and maybe give the advice needed to help you – Instead they smile – they kiss you, they talk to you really sweetly but they choose sides because whoever told them something is closer to them than you are – amazing.  So they live their life with a perception – the perception of all the things you did wrong – and all the things u continue to do wrong. 

I heard someone say once – forgive your enemies – but never ever forget their names .  Mistakes are there to be made – trial and error – to help each one of us reach to the point that when you die as the pundit said – It’s a good one has gone.  Some of us may be late in learning but why choose to redicule and make sure that someone and the whole world knows the mistakes others make?  I see it in families among your own and instead of help they cause hindrances.   Sad but true. 

• You choose the people in your space – and what I have learnt is you smile with everyone – u will know the ones that smile with you and not really concerned with your life and you will also know the ones that will be there to help you.  The ones that take a roll in just saying “ Hey – are you ok ?  what happen? Can I be of any help to you ?  The ones that never ask anything because they choose to take sides is the same kind of people to the ones that told them in the first place and they do belong together .  This is just mirrors of yourself.  So when someone wants to see ill for you smile – and say You may shoot me with your words, You may cut me with your eyes, You may Kill me with your hatefulness, But still, like air--I'll rise.

Remember you are loved by someone in this world and unconditionally by the being above.  If someone judges you by the things they hear then its great they live perfect lives and its wonderful they never made mistakes and it even better that the future is in their grasp that these things will NEVER happen to them.  When you choose to bring down someones character whether its true or not what you are really doing is showing up your own. 

So in the funeral today – we let go of the flesh but never the memories – and this my friends are what you create everyday for someone else.  Let the memories you create for others be good ones.. 

FAITH

The word a lot of people use quite often.  How many times are you down in a rut – feeling all miserable cause your  life is turning upside down and someone looks at you and say – don’t worry just have faith and things will work out.  Of course all you really want to do is knock this person over with a brick because how can they truly understand what you are feeling.  I have realized that we have faith in a lot of things – God, family, friends, our kids and even in ourselves but do we really have it?  At times I think we do – and sometimes it no where to be found.  We often stereotype others – we look at them go to church, mosque the temples and we say to ourselves – wow they must have a lot of faith and nothing can really shake that.

I remember a lesson I learnt when I visited Makkah for the hajj – there were probably hundreds of thousands of people at a time there and I was making my way out of the mosque, I saw this man on a wheelchair trying to get to the barrels of water – the barrels were a bit low for him to reach so I went across to him and asked him if he needed help – he said yes – so I filled the cup and the bottle for him.  On doing so I realized that he was all alone with no one to help him – I asked are you here alone – he said yes – I said – there are sooo many people here how do you move around all by yourself – his answer was – I come here every year – by myself and I have no doubt that God will take care of me – I wanted to drink water and He sent you to fill my cup.  Faith????  The unquestionable kind.

What I saw that day was someone regardless of religion found something that we all strive for.  Some have it already and some still trying to reach to that level.  When we realize that God provides, he takes care of us no matter what – we feel that sense of peace within ourselves that is without fear.  We have to be kind to MANKIND .  This man on the wheelchair taught me something that day because I was there and complaining about what kind of room we got and when are we going to get a proper plate of food and here it is sooo many of them with a lot less and the faith was unquestionable.  I remember him putting his hand on my head and he said – God bless you and when you return to your home land – everything will be clear to you.  I watched this man wheel himself away as if he was some kind of Angel coming to give me a message – in my heart that is who I think he was.

Its not about who we pray to – what car we drive or even how much wealth we have – when we come down to earth and realize that everyone that comes into our path is an opportunity – maybe to make a difference, maybe just to help, maybe just to smile we would realize that faith does not lie in the answers to your questions but it lies in the heart of knowing that the existence from Above will be there always.

Always BELIEVE , be greatful for the wonderful things around you and  everyday as you wake you would realize that your faith have become unquestionable.

Be free to be YOU

Ever had someone in your life make you feel wrong about yourself – wrong about the decisions you make, wrong for loving them too much, wrong for doing your hair – making yourself look nice,  wrong for caring, wrong for putting your life on hold just because you choose them??  Its all over the world – u feel so stifled because you are not sure if your next decision is going to be the right one – u walk on egg shells thinking “oh is he/she going to like this? “ . 

STOP NOW,  your decisions for all the above is NOT wrong – it’s the choices you make to be kind to someone else.  If you realize that a relationship is making you feel this way – let go of the negatives as later down you will find yourself hating yourself for it.  I always believe – change your thoughts – change your life --- don’t give people like this a second thought – they are there only as our teachers to bring us to the best of who you can be.

Sometimes when you sit down and wonder  how many years you wasted being unhappy – u feel worse as you did nothing about it.  Happiness is a state of mind and does not lie in the hands of someone else. Never underestimate the potential to be free, free to be yourself, free to give , care, love and touch every single soul that you come in contact with – even if its with a smile, a touch or maybe just some words of inspiration.

I always like to give a story --  I remember one of my friends giving me a story of her life – she gave up doing photography to marry the man of her dreams as he did not want her to work.  She will do her hair and it’s a problem – she will do things for him and she will be told that she is caring too much.  For years she resented the fact she gave up her dream to be someone he wanted her to be.  Is it worth it?  It never is,  nothing is wrong with her choice as she did something she wanted to do at the time, however, the difference is he made her feel wrong about it.  If the appreciation, love care and assistance was there she would have looked at him everyday with a smile on her face and say – I love him – he is worth it – wow what an amazing feeling. 

Its hard to know if someone is worth it or not – u have to go through the trials and tribulations – but one thing I learnt is that – never allow someone to make you feel less of yourself.  Never allow them to take away your right to be free – to make your own choices and to co exist in the environment that is pleasing to all involved.  Don’t let anyone steal your right to smile. 

You have a RIGHT to be happy – make it happen.

Strength

I wrote this line not to long ago --- Sometimes courage is what it takes to stand up and talk and sometimes its what it takes to sit down and listen.  Some say strength is in numbers – although this may be true – strength to me is indomitable will.  The strength to go on when all else fails – the will that is not easily discouraged.  We can grasp all the energy we like from everything around us but its our inner strength that gives us the drive to make the difference.   When we see our children crying – where does the mother get that inner strength from to find a way to dry those tears and put a smile on her childs face.  We watch our parents grow old and we bear the pain of seeing them in a capacity maybe us to will find ourselves in one day  – yet still we miss the lesson.  I have considered  certain people  a pillar of strength for me because as I look at their lives the strength I gain in the knowledge of their yesterday is the strength I need for the guidance of my tomorrow.  When I think about true strength my mind goes off to the mothers – the ones that love UNCONDITIONALLY.  I remember not to long ago – I called my mom and I said to her “Mom there is a house not far from me I want to buy – gosh I wish I had the money for it”  she asked  - how much is it – I told her the cost – she did not say anything – we spoke about other things and I ended the conversation.  The next day I called and she was sounding very sad – I asked – what is wrong ?  she was in tears – her exact words were –“ I have nothing to give you so you can buy the house – I don’t have any money to give you – I wish I did” – I kept silent – as I realized even in my dreams of tomorrow – its still a part of her dream to make it happen – as big as I am – the unconditional love is always there.  This to me is the strength we rely on – the memories live in our minds and project a foundation that we grow on. 

We often wonder where we will find the strength to do what we need to  - its found in sooo many places – the tears of our parents,  the touch of a hand,  the smile of a newborn, the crashing sound of the waves,  the stars in the sky,  the sunsets, the sunrise,  a postcard, a hug, the warmth of an angel, a childs smile, the loss of a loved one but most of all the strongest of it all is found within.  Find the inner strength within you and touch the world.  Whatever life throws at you – find the strength to keep calm and bring forth the beauty of yourself – smile – lift your head up and look around you – u will realize that your strength is as radiant as you are. 

The Light

Ever sit and wonder why life takes you to the unknown destinations.  Why with every step your mind still wonders even though you may see the picture clearly.  I often wondered, I often cried, I often questioned what is the unknown.  I often seeked the answers that only with deep concentration you will find right inside yourself.  The unknown is only unknown because we have not given life to it.  I am not talking about the things we don’t know about – I am talking about the things that we want for our own life yet still we try to figure out why it has not happened as yet.  Focus is the hardest thing in every day life.  The determination to go against all odds and do something you truly believe in.  Fear stands like a wall in front of you – wasting the years away – until we find ourselves in a rut that we can never find ourselves out of.  The quality of our thoughts are based on only the things we want and not the things that may help a fellow human being – despite colour, creed or race.  I realize a long time ago when my world was shattered and I was left with nothing but courage and hope of a brighter day that the only thing that stops you from creating is you.  I still sit and wonder why haven’t I gotten what I want as yet, but the answer to that is always – the bigger plan will unfold in time.  I have no patience to wait, but yet still I survive it – how?  With the faith that you seem to find somewhere when things are going all wrong.  We all learn different lessons at different times and what we don’t realize is that life will push us through it over and over again until we learn it.  We find ourselves in similar relationships with people that we try to get away from because we did not learn from the last one.  And then we ask ourselves – why do I attract this type of people in my life?  Stop learning the same lesson and find it within yourself to change that which you know you can change. I look around and even though the ones that find themselves in the religious places are the ones that do not follow the simple teachings in life – why is this?  We try to stop ourselves so many times from making the mistakes – we are going to make it – no one is perfect but in times of depression – look  inside and find that light – that Noor.  Find the light that shines within and you will see that you are an amazing person.  When the dirt is thrown at your back – shake it off and step up.  No one has the right to tell you – who you are or what you can do.  At the poorest time of my life believe it or not I was the richest.  I found something at that time that was unexplainable – I found myself – in the horrors of facing a life with nothing – I found peace and with every step – there were hands holding mines – they didn’t let me fall.  They still don’t.